I tend to journey the path of most resistance with this work – lemme ‘splain. First, I pick a lovely face picture and then I pick the background picture (following me so far?). I paste the face picture into PowerPoint where I do my best cropping job leaving the once perfect face in more of a boxy form. Then, I overlay the cropped face-picture onto the background picture and adjust size and angle. Finally, I highlight it all with the curser to save it as one solid Jpeg. Quite the process, I’m well aware. At the end of this laborious effort a wonky picture or card has been created. So far my wife has loved all of them – or that’s what she tells me.
I decided to present you with my latest endeavor that
hopefully illuminates the wondrous bond that exists between mother and child,
as well as offers a bit of advice to Myles as he matures.
I am humbled that you are attending my very first “Photoshop”
exhibition entitled:
“I’ll tell ya, you and that kiddo …
you two are going
places”
Title: "We have a bright future together"
Lesson: Son, living in the past is only acceptable if you plan on
using that knowledge for evil … I mean gaining wealth … I mean getting the girl
or the guy … I mean plotting revenge … I mean, shit, if you can time travel just
go for it.
Lesson 2: Son, never trust a dog who can “Sieg Heil.”
Title: “Jesus
Christ you’re a good mom!”
Lesson: Son,
you may scold me for making this if you decide to become religious after your
secular upbringing. I won’t judge you for that, but you know who will?
Lesson 2:
Son, there will always be one jerk at any dinner party you throw.
Title: “It’s our differences that connect us and help build even more
appreciation for one another”
Lesson: Son, sometimes you’re the rabbit and sometimes you’re
rabbiting. Everything is better with an “ing.”
Lesson 2: Son, it’s very easy to be replaced by an astronaut in the
short term. Hey, there’s nothing you can do about it as they’re quite exciting.
Just wait them out as it’s entertaining to watch their ego resist the other
side of the bell curve.
Title: “Just try and scrub away the bond we have”
Lesson: Son, yes, going whiteface is as bad as going blackface, but
never as bad as going blackface.
Lesson 2: Son, you will find a best friend. It’s more fun to do crazy
things with that friend if you have a high paying job.
Title: “A Royal without cheese is just fiction … we have the cheese”
Lesson: Son, yes … I know, I just talked about how going whiteface is
as bad as going blackface, but sometimes things happen. You’ll learn that.
Maybe you should stop calling me out.
Lesson 2: Son, there are many places you can hide something. You may
want to review all options before settling. Seriously, there’s no need for
hastiness when hiding things. I sincerely mean this and hope you really hear
what I’m saying – unless you’re into that.
Title: “We make a great pair and there’s nothing dumber about that”
Lesson: Son, extras will photo bomb for many reasons and all those
reasons are tied to worth. Don’t be an extra.
Lesson 2: Son, you will be judged for peeing your pants even if it’s
to keep warm in a life or death situation. Never wear khakis.
Title: “No amount of freezing and time will break our bond”
Lesson: Son, that’s a good question. I’m not sure if going Wookieface
is racist.
Lesson 2: Son, if you add experiences to the beginning of your life
after people are happy with what you have already put out, it’s going to rub
some people the wrong way. But that’s ok as you probably already have them
hooked.
Title: “Our spirit will always smell of togetherness”
Lesson: Son, there may come a day when you feel like you have to do
certain things for money and that’s ok. I will only judge you if you do it for
a bag of chips. Always remember – Cash is King.
Lesson 2: Son, most likely we have several naked baby pictures of
you. We will use them against you if you turn on us.
So there you have it. I hope you enjoyed my “Photoshop” exhibit.
I assure you that these will not be the last artistic creations you see out of
me and hopefully, one day, some kind person will bequeath me the Photoshop
program and a few lessons. Until next time …
-Dr. Dino
p.s. If you would like to hear more interesting things from
me please check out my Mental Health Comedy podcast, “Open Miked with MikeQuinn Jr. and Dr. Dino.” You can follow us on Twitter
and like us on Facebook.